Thursday, April 5, 2012


I wish they made those for your heart.

For some reason lately, I'm a little nostalgic for my babies.  I don't really have any anymore, and I'm not going to have any anymore.

I've been prepared and even looking forward to that eventuality for a while.  I mean, after all there's NEVER been better birth control in the world than a sixteen year old and a two year old at the same time.   Not to mention ALL the years I was pregnant/having/taking care of babies.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  When you're in the middle of having babies you think you'll always be in "that phase" of life, and that there is no end.  I know I'm done now, and I know Heavenly Father is pleased with our family and I am at peace.  However, I guess I'm also in mourning.

Today was another landmark day that is affecting me so much I need to journal it.  Bella's whole three year old life, bandaids have been called "banbans."  Banbans are awesome because they seem to fix every ailment a child has.   Today, for the first time Bella used the word "bandaids" all day.  So sad.  I'm afraid nothing is going to make me feel better about losing "banbans," because I'm never getting them back.

The other big deal that happened this week was my other baby, Matthew, who I consider my other baby because he was alone for five years before Bella was born, started Scouts.  My last cub scout!!!  I was surprisingly emotional about the whole thing, because it is another "landmark in time."

Joshua is ten in less than two weeks.  TEN!!! Another double digit aged child.  To toot his horn for a minute, he is one of three fourth graders that were chosen to tutor first graders.  Rumor has it that kids fight over his time.  His teacher tells him that he is her ray of sunshine.  That makes me so happy.  His teacher has known him since Kindergarten and I'm so thankful that she enjoys him as much as I do.  Also, he sat in my room tonight and played me three songs on his guitar.  Another talented musician!  He is very coordinated with that guitar in a short amount of time...  Getting big so fast.

I'm so proud of my family.  I'm so grateful for my life, Derek and my children.  I just need to focus on the now, and increase the time I spend with each child one on one.  Because as I'm learning - and all along I knew I would know this - but it's hard to remember when you're in the battle zone, that time really does fly and babies don't last forever.

Eventually, everyone uses bandaids.